The Great Indian Parents - 1

Summary

A raw, unfiltered look at the dillemas of Indian parenting. This post juxtaposes the heroic sacrifices our parents made to survive from battling poverty to taking massive debts against the toxic "investment" mindset that often follows. It explores how vocalizing sacrifice ("Look what we did for you") transforms unconditional love into a transactional debt, turning children from cherished individuals into anxious debtors terrified of "defaulting" on their parents' expectations.

The Great Indian parents

"Parents" a word we all are aware and attached with, They are the people who were with us when we took our first breath, they raised us since our cry, they are those figure who we rely on, emotionally and socially they are our firmest abchor points, our lives are heavily influenced by how our parents raised us

Data says that in India approx 64-65% parents take debts to put their child into universities, which if we compare to global trend which is 35% the data seems staggering and shocking. This shows what lengths our parents are ready to go just to make our future brighter.

We all have heard those "Pahad pe chadh ke school jana" type stories. We laughed at those stories because ofcourse they are boasted version of truth. But it doesn't mean that they didn't had struggles. Many of us can relate to this that our parents quite literally gave us a life that is twice if not 100 times better than theirs. And even if you feel a no to this statement still I am sure you can see how much our parents keep trying.

Where are our parents coming from?

My dad personally had seen days worse than what I can deal with, nights out on street when I was just of few months in the harsh bone chilling winter of Delhi in late 2000's. They spent hours in that cold while wrapping me in layers of blanket like a burrito just so I fall asleep. No proper residence, No stable source of income, No support from anyone. And even from that stage it was their grit and determination that they brought me where I am.

These are the conditions many of our parents tackled once in their life. Maybe worse or better, but that's not the point but it is that it was their non-stop effort that we reached a better launch-pad than they got. It's true that even their 100% effort could only afford a middle-class status not some filthy rich tag. If they started from a zero than we are starting from a solid 10 or a 20 or a 50 but not zero atleast, and that is something we should really be proud of.

The critiques on Parents

I have seen posts where people straight up throw critiques on how parents treat their children as more of a investment than their child who is capable of thinking, liking, and speaking

Many of the things those post say are mostly true but they are too critical and even biased sometimes.

"Humne tumhare liye kya kuch nhi kiya aur tumne ye kara..."

I am sure most of us have heard this or similar line by either our parents or in some movie. While it's actually quite literally true but the thing is that though it's true but it also makes many children feel that they owe some financial debt to their parents, which destroys the complete meaning of it. Just like the saying goes

"Jis mohobbat par dam likh diya jaaye, waha mehsoos nhi hisab hota hai."

"Aur jaha hisab shuru ho jaye, waha mohabbat nhi sauda hota hai"

Traslation : "The love that is priced isn't to feel but accounted, and when accounting starts than there's no love, but only deals"

Lord Krishna once said, that "To love someone we don't expect something in return but we give them everything we have."

But this is the point where most parents fail. They involuntarily blackmails the child emotionally, the child starts feeling like they are under debts that they have to repay, it's something that they don't actively realize. The moment they word their love and sacrifice is the exact moment it starts feeling less of it and more of burden.

The child feels guilty for everytime they fail an exam, they feel like a disappointment and might as well loose confidence as well. The child starts seeing the failure as something unacceptable. And this is the roots of many conflicts in families. Because parents do not allow childrens to fail, and the moment they fail, they aren't encouraged to move forward and learned but why did you failed, which is fine in a way, but not the one most parents use.

When passing a test is the only thing considered as growth than the child will naturally focus on that only, They won't try to learn, they will try to pass, either by route learining or cheating. Because passing is the only thing that is valued while in reality even when we fail we still learn what not to do to not fail next time.

While our parents are also humans with their flaws we cannot fully condemn them on a general level before knowing where they are coming from.

Post written by - @lairs.bug

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