The Great Indian Parents - 2

Recap to Previous part : "The Great Indian Parents - 1"

In Previous part of this post we spoke about the internal psychology of parents and how they understand love by measures, How their own life influenced their present behaviors, and how they despite unconsciously but harm the psyche of their children.

Guilt & Psyche

While in India Mental Health is often mis-understood or weighed lightly when it's not. Data says that India being called the country of youths, but what no one says is that India is a country of dying youth. NCRB stated that students sucides alone contributed about 8.1% 171,418. 🗐hindustantimes

"But why? why our students taking such extreme steps?", is a very common question hearing such staggering numbers, but if we look closely than we can see that the reason is hiding in plain sight. The lack of communication, and patience, from both family and victim. While societal pressures also influence this number but family problems remains firmly the major issue.

Parents especially that from 80s or 90s while not all but most majorly interferres with every little aspect of their child's life from career to marriage, they try to dictate every decision of their life. Many of those Parents force their teens into study rigorously for some competitive exam, or boards, or just the top rank, no matter the reason but many Parents in India don't ask before forcing their teen into those rigorous rat-race with less than 1% success.

Reports show that a staggering amount as 93% of Indian students are only aware of 7 career paths despite there being over 250. 🗐IndiaToday

This shows how critically our youth and their parents are unaware.

Cause of miscommunication

This problem starts from the very age when a kid starts attending schooling, not every kid but many of kids face physical punishments by their parents on their mistakes

According to a Nation Wide survey 77% of parents admitted of beating their children is a neccessary discplinary action. 🗐ClearIAS

While this is argueable and often controversial but studies show that beating their children seemingly disciplines the child but what parents miss is the side-effects which are more guranteed rather than any long term benefits :

Physical side-effects:

1. Direct harm: Ranges from bruises to life-altering injuries or even death.
2. High Risk of abuse: Punishments can easily escalate to physical abuse, reports shows that most such cases starts as an attempt at physical disciplinory act.
3. Long term Health Problems: One wrong injury can cause long term problems like migrane.

Mental side-effects

1. Mental Health Disorders: Low-esteem, self-harm, depression, hopelessness, anxiety etc. are often strongly linked to corporal punishments which persists even in adulthood
2. Emotional Distress: Children often report that they felt angry, afraid, sad or embarrased after being physically punished
3. Increase Anti-social behaviour
4. Poor moral compass

🗐World Health Organisation

And the list keeps going.

The Transactional Trap: Investing in a Child

For many parents of the '80s and '90s, raising a child was less about unconditional love and more about a high-stakes, high-return investment. Their lives were defined by scarce resources a financial struggle for a better future. When they made sacrifices taking on that high-interest educational loan, giving up personal needs, working long hours—they weren't just showing love; they were accumulating a moral balance.

This is the birth of the Emotional Debt.

When the child fails to achieve the Top Rank or secure the "Safe Career", the parent doesn't just express disappointment; they present the bill: "After all we sacrificed for you, this is how you repay us?"

The Paralyzing Fear of Invalidating Sacrifice

This internalized pressure manifests as debilitating anxiety and low self-worth, the core symptoms of the "dying youth" data.

1. Identity Erasure: The child learns that their value is inextricably tied to their performance. Their self-worth is determined by external metrics (marks, rank, job title), not by their internal qualities or happiness. You are not a good person; you are a good student.
2. Perpetual Guilt: Guilt becomes a constant, paralyzing hum. It prevents the child from pursuing any path deemed "risky" or "unconventional" (remember the 93% stuck on seven career paths). To choose a non-traditional career is to knowingly risk the family’s comfort and, worse, invite the return of the Emotional Debt. They feel selfish, even for wanting their own happiness.
3. Silence and Isolation: Since the parent’s love is tied to performance, any mental health struggle anxiety, depression, hopelessness is immediately categorized as a weakness or an excuse for poor performance. The victim, already crippled by guilt, cannot voice their pain because the parents are likely to respond with dismissal or renewed pressure ("You need to focus more, not complain"). This lack of validation creates the isolation that tragically pushes students towards extreme steps.

The truth is that corporal punishments are the major cause of this communication, it's basic human psychology. Brain instinctually tries to avoid everything and everyone that causes pain, despair or any kind of harm, which ultimately isolates the child from family under the same roof, child starts re-thinking every word before saying out loud, they start to agreeing everything their parents say because they lack the internal confidence to speak their mind without a fear of a slap or negative response nagging at back of their mind.

And when a human faces immense pressure of parental expectations and societal pressure with no shoulder to rely on, they start doing self-harming activities. Parents may argue that children could speak to them in such conditions, but this the whole gap. Childrens don't understand that their parents aren't heartless monsters while parents do not understand what their methods did to their child is not a mere thing they can move on from after getting adult. Traumas often persist lifelong.

When the child knows that them speaking their problem will earn them another lecture rather than support they will obviously stop discussing them, while the parents need to inculcate those lessons but the way they try to is definitely not the best.

When the child starts taking their failures as some betrayal to their parents' effort rather than a setback, they will start fearing it. Parents need to understand that scoring marks is not the proof of learning but rather a test of memory. They need to stop trying to dictate choices of their children.

In the end, Parents are also humans they want the best for us in most cases but even a beautiful rose may have a hidden thorn without gardener's malice.

Post written by - @lairs.bug

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